Monday, November 06, 2006

Cavemen

T. had a bad day today and crawled into the "cave" of Martian vs. Venutian fame. Am I the only woman who finds it incredibly annoying when men don't want to talk about their problems? I've learned not to press him for information when he's going through a rough patch, but this does nothing to alleviate my anxiety over not being able to help.

I feel like I just can't say anything right. His need to be alone with his thoughts makes me feel like it's my fault at some level, like I can't offer the love and support he needs to feel better and overcome the obstacle.

The only thing I can do is remind myself that I am not at fault. He will crawl out of his cave sooner or later and be the sweet, loving, supportive man that he usually is...Sooner or later...But the bed is so cold without him in it...

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am not a therapist, but maybe he doesn't like to talk about his problems (emotional or physical) because it makes him feel worse to do so.

With my former spouse I felt like I always had to be the strong, stable one - the one who didn't lose control. I felt like I couldn't talk to her about how much my back hurt or how someone annoyed me at work because she'd lose her compass.

These days I tell Slim everything. She's a strong woman, and convinced me that it's important to share. I find it's liberating to tell her everything - apparently it was hard work to keep everything bottled up.

I still find myself reverting to the "Nothing" syndrome, but she usually pulls me out of it, and I feel better afterwards, like we're closer and I'm more reassured than ever that we're on the same side.

But that's just me.

3:49 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

Ah, thank goodness once again for 2x4 and the invaluable male perspective he provides us girls! I'd have nothing for you on this topic. I can't even remember what it's like to live with a man. Maybe I've blocked it out...?

7:26 AM  
Blogger jaymichaelrivera said...

Communication problems are rare between my wife and I, (and I never thought my life would be stable enough to write that) but earlier in our marriage when we did have one of those arguments/disagreements it usually worsened by my insistence on shielding her from all of my anger/angst/fatalism. Only when I realize that she was indeed strong enough to take it did I realize I was the one with the "problem." Hard to swallow, but there it is.

I'm still working on the "I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to listen" communication glitch. I'm also working on understanding shoe shopping as an exercise at looking at as many shoes as possible. Purchasing, I am told, runs a close second.

5:09 PM  
Blogger planner17 said...

Thank you for that valuable male perspective, gentlemen. The man came home at 3am, wrapped his arms around me, and the next morning shared what was bugging him. So I guess it was right of me to give him some time and space. Thanks for your input!!

8:27 AM  

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