Thursday, October 26, 2006

Friends

I just got home after sharing a bottle of fine wine and some equally high-quality time with my close friend A. Hightlight of the evening: She and her husband have started trying to have a baby. She's struggling with the concept that she might lose her identity and become one of those mothers we all fear becoming; the type that talk only of diapers and feedings. I assured her that her identity was in HER hands and her child would adapt to her lifestyle. I think I'll give her a book I read a while back, titled "The Mask of Motherhood". I was struggling with the same issues when I was trying to conceive and this book helped me change my perspective.

And speaking of conceiving, I received the most unexpected e-mail today. It was from P.M., a girl I met online while we were both trying to conceive with "older men". She and I shared so many qualities, among them our love for older men (both husbands were 25 years older than us), our adoration of dogs, our culinary talents and our crazy sex drives. Our paths diverged after a few months of friendship: She became pregnant and had the darling baby girl she always dreamed of. I stopped TTC and focused on my job and on trying to keep my marriage afloat. It was never clear who failed to return who's e-mail, but we eventually lost touch.

My life went bonkers shortly afterwards, I left my husband, filed for divorce and started a new life. This was 8 months ago, and I hadn't heard from P.M. in at least that same amount of time. Today I got an e-mail from her, and upon answering, I learned that her husband has left her with the child. I cannot begin to imagine the heartache she is going through, having to raise a child on her own.

Her reality brought to light the biggest blessing of my life so far: I did not get pregnant with my ex. This was my "Get out of jail free" card and I will never again question the existence of a God. He/She was and is watching over me. I received a second chance at life and I intend to make the most of it.

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